Dickie & 'bert

[vacuum seal release]
'bert: Senor Dickie! Senor Dickie!
Dickie: Yes, 'bert...
'bert: Senor Fitzgerald has announced he will be meeting with de grand jury tomorrow to seek indictments. He will be contacting "targets" as early as today...
[vacuum seal enagages]
Dickie: Scooter, put on the news...
Libby: We're watching the news...
Dickie: Scooter... your watching Fox... please...
[tv stations flash across the screen]
Dickie: Hold it! Go Back!

CSPAN2
MR. McCLELLAN: The President has already -- there are a couple of directions that he gave, and one of the directions was that we do not torture, and that applies to the entire United States government.
Go ahead, Peter.
Q Scott, just to try to put a finer point on it, is what you were trying to signal in a couple of your earlier responses is that, perhaps, your -- as you wait to see where this CIA leak investigation is going, are you waiting to see if you were dealt truthfully -- dealt with truthfully?
MR. McCLELLAN: Well, I'm just saying what I said earlier. There are a lot of facts that I don't know, and the special prosecutor is looking into all these matters. There are facts the President does not know. And let's let him complete his work.

Dickie: Shit! [clicks on head set]
Scotty, take a deep breath...

Q So at this point, you can tell us that you don't know for a fact that you were dealt with truthfully when you came out here in October --

Dickie: I'm just not going to comment any further...

MR. McCLELLAN: I'm just not going to comment any further, thanks.

Q Scott, you said several times that we should wait and see what facts the prosecutor develops. Is the White House expecting to get a report on what the prosecutor determines? Should the public assume that those facts will come out?

Dickie: Its up to the special prosecutor to determine how to proceed. What we have done is work to support his investigation, and thats what we will continue to do, at the direction of the president.

MR. McCLELLAN: I talked about that last week. It's up to the special prosecutor to determine how to proceed. What we have done is work to support his investigation, and that's what we will continue to do, at the direction of the President.

Q You were talking about the support for terrorists -- Iraqi insurgency. But how about the government of Iran and its interference to Iraq?

Dickie: [clicks off headset]Karl?... Karl?...... Karl!
Rove: I... I ... dont recall...
Dickie: Get a hold of yourself, man! I need your head in the game! You think Scotty and the President can go out there alone? C'mon, get a hold of yourself!
Rove: I ... I ...I...
Dickie: Karl!
Rove: Yes, yes ... yes... OK, Im OK... where was I?... Oh ... Here I am....
Dickie: OK. Lets get this thing back on track. Karl, keep an eye on Scotty. Scooter, get me an update on Fitzgerald, hows that background check coming? 'bert?
'bert: Yes, Senor Dickie?
Dickie: How much paper we have in that yellow cake file?
'bert: Ohhhhhh, Senor Dickie, a whole room full...
Dickie: Contact Fitzgerald and let him know you "found" some additional documents and send the WHOLE room-full to his office. Make sure it is "properly redacted" and let his staff know it still needs to be declassified...
'bert: Bueno, Senor Dickie... you should have been an attorney... But, I do na think dis will stop Senor Fitzgerald from issuing indictments...
Dickie: mmmmmmph, indictments... any idea how many?
'bert: Yo no se... but, I havent seen this many ham sandwiches in Washington since Senora Laura had that tea party with the "Working Christian Moms of Iraq Veterans for Education".
Dickie: mmmm, those were tasty... Scooter, what's the word on Liddy?
Libby: G had some "friends" of the Wilsons contact Mr. Fitzgerald, yesterday...
Dickie: and...?
Libby: Fitzgerald said he needed to verify whether Ms. Plame was "open with friends" about her employment and employer...
[knock, knock, knock,]
Fitzgerald: Rove? Libby? I know youre in there! Open up!
Rove: [high pitched] No one's home, come back later...
Fitzgerald: C'mon Rove, I know thats you...
Rove: [high pitched] No... there's no one here by that name... Im not allowed to open the door for strangers...
Fitzgerald: You guys cant live in there forever! I am going to wait right here until you open the door...
Dickie: He's right, we only have enough food and water for 300 years...
[vacuum seal release]
Dickie: Can I help you?
Fitzgerald: Mr. Vice President, Im glad your here...
Dickie: Im sorry, do I know you? You obviously know me...
Fitzgerald: Damnit! You know why Im here! Let me in...
Dickie: Please place the papers in your hand and the briefcase on the small table there behind you...
Fitzgerald: But... Damnit!... Have it your way...
Dickie: Please empty your pockets...
Fitzgerald: Here... See? Nothing... No subpeonas, no indictments, nothing...
Dickie: OK ... please proceed...
Fitzgerald: Thank you... Ahh, Attorney General Gonzalez, Mr. Libby, Mr. Rove.... Damn, Karl, you look like shit...
[vacuum seal engagement]
Dickie: And you are?
Fitzgerald: Damnit, you know who I am...
'bert: Senor Fitzgerald, welcome, what a surprise! May I ask is this business? Can I get you something to drink?
Fitzgerald: You know why Im here... But, HE made me leave it in the hall...
'bert: Ahhhh, properly served papers...
Fitzgerald: Damnit, theyre just indictments, for god's sake, a ham san-
Dickie: Yes, yes... weve heard that before...but, what we need to know is the who and the what did they do?
Fitzgerald: Well, after that memo got leaked...
Dickie: Memo?
Fitzgerald: Yes, yes, the memo... You got Wilson's name from Tenet and you passed it onto Libby...
Dickie: Wilson? Is this significant? Who's this Wilson?
Fitzgerald: Joe Wilson! Valerie Plame's husband!
Dickie: Joe Wilson? I dont know of any Joe Wilson...
Fitzgerald: Mr. Joseph Wilson... yellow cake... Niger... Novak?
Dickie: I dont think I know him ... Ive certainly never met him...
Fitzgerald: Joe Wilson, former ambassador to Iraq? The first Gulf War?
Dickie: Joey? Youre not talking about Joey... Geez, he got stuck in Iraq during the War, really helped to get Americans and foreigners out during those crazy days...
Fitzgerald: Thats him, Joseph Wilson... Valerie Plame's husband...
Dickie: Like I said, I never actually met him before...
Fitzgerald: Thats it! Im getting my briefcase and Im levelling all of you with indictments... Mr. Gonzalez, youre a witness...
[vacuum seal release]
[briefcase clicks papers shuffle]
Dickie: 'bert?
[vacuum seal engages]
Fitzgerald: Damnit, this isnt funny!