Dickie & 'bert
Dickie & 'bert is my feeble attempt at political satire. Any similarity to people, places or events is strictly for the purpose of providing humor. If you find the political incorrectness of Dickie & 'bert insulting or offensive we support your right not to laugh.Tuesday, October 18, 2005
Bunker Talk
[Echoing footsteps]
[A knock]
Who's there?
Senor Scooter, its me 'bert...
[buzzing... vaccum seal release]
Libby: Aaaah, Senor Gonzalez, so glad you could join us... something to drink?
[more buzzing... vacuum seal engagement]
'bert: No, gracias, maybe some frutas...
Libby: The vice president and Mr. Rove are waiting...
Dickie: mmmmmm, 'bert, please sit down, lets get down to business. What's this so-called "CIA leak probe" I keep hearing reference to?
'bert: Senor Dickie?
Dickie: This leak... this investigation... what is it?
'bert: Senor Dickie, you remember... the jello cake, Senor Jose, Senora Plame. I needed to recluse myself from the investigation and jue directed me to contact Senor Fitzgerald... You said everything would be alright.
Dickie: mmmmph... is that what this is all about? Why is this still in the news?
'bert: Senor Dickie... they have asked Senors Karl y Scooter to testify before the grand jury. There is talk one or both may be indicted...
Dickie: You dont know for sure? Does Fitzgerald know about this? I want you to speak to him directly and make sure he knows whats going on... Karl?
Rove: I dont recall...
Dickie: Scooter?
Libby: I had to give Judy a release from confidentiali...
Dickie: You what?!
Libby: I dont recall...
Dickie: 'bert! Where is Fitzgerald? Did you know Scooter release Miller?
'bert: He's not answering... Senorita Miller left prison daze ago...
Dickie: She's been released?! Sh*t! Why didnt anyone tell me!
'bert: Senor Dickie, its been on the news...
Dickie: FOX news?
'bert: I cant verify that, Senor Dickie, hold on... I think I got through...
Dickie: Ka-arrl?
Rove: I ... I dont recall...
'bert: Senor Dickie? Senor Fitzgerald says not to worry, you will find out everything tomorrow...
Dickie: Give me that phone... Fitzgerald, you see here... Fitzgerald? Fitzgerald? Damnit!
'bert: Is there aproblem Senor Dickie?
Dickie: No problemo, amigo. Scooter ... call Baltimore PD. Tell them there is "chatter" in Iraq and that there is a credible threat to the Baltimore Harbor Tunnel. Then call FOX and give them a "tip from a reliable source in the administration".
'bert: Should we contact Homeland Security?
Dickie: and what?... change the alert color from yellow to orange? Nobody listens to the alert colors anymore, New York has been orange since 911 and when they got a "credible tip" they didnt change it. May as well change the scheme to just green and red.
Scooter: Can I leave the bunker, yet?
Dickie: You answer for me Karl...
Rove: I... I dont recall...
'bert: Im going to meet Senor Jorge... Were going back to New Orleans. Can I get anything for you?
Dickie: Get a hold of Ollie and Liddy and see if they are still in the game... We may have work for them...
[A knock]
Who's there?
Senor Scooter, its me 'bert...
[buzzing... vaccum seal release]
Libby: Aaaah, Senor Gonzalez, so glad you could join us... something to drink?
'bert: No, gracias, maybe some frutas...
Libby: The vice president and Mr. Rove are waiting...
Dickie: mmmmmm, 'bert, please sit down, lets get down to business. What's this so-called "CIA leak probe" I keep hearing reference to?
'bert: Senor Dickie?
Dickie: This leak... this investigation... what is it?
'bert: Senor Dickie, you remember... the jello cake, Senor Jose, Senora Plame. I needed to recluse myself from the investigation and jue directed me to contact Senor Fitzgerald... You said everything would be alright.
Dickie: mmmmph... is that what this is all about? Why is this still in the news?
'bert: Senor Dickie... they have asked Senors Karl y Scooter to testify before the grand jury. There is talk one or both may be indicted...
Dickie: You dont know for sure? Does Fitzgerald know about this? I want you to speak to him directly and make sure he knows whats going on... Karl?
Rove: I dont recall...
Dickie: Scooter?
Libby: I had to give Judy a release from confidentiali...
Dickie: You what?!
Libby: I dont recall...
Dickie: 'bert! Where is Fitzgerald? Did you know Scooter release Miller?
'bert: He's not answering... Senorita Miller left prison daze ago...
Dickie: She's been released?! Sh*t! Why didnt anyone tell me!
'bert: Senor Dickie, its been on the news...
Dickie: FOX news?
'bert: I cant verify that, Senor Dickie, hold on... I think I got through...
Dickie: Ka-arrl?
Rove: I ... I dont recall...
'bert: Senor Dickie? Senor Fitzgerald says not to worry, you will find out everything tomorrow...
Dickie: Give me that phone... Fitzgerald, you see here... Fitzgerald? Fitzgerald? Damnit!
'bert: Is there aproblem Senor Dickie?
Dickie: No problemo, amigo. Scooter ... call Baltimore PD. Tell them there is "chatter" in Iraq and that there is a credible threat to the Baltimore Harbor Tunnel. Then call FOX and give them a "tip from a reliable source in the administration".
'bert: Should we contact Homeland Security?
Dickie: and what?... change the alert color from yellow to orange? Nobody listens to the alert colors anymore, New York has been orange since 911 and when they got a "credible tip" they didnt change it. May as well change the scheme to just green and red.
Scooter: Can I leave the bunker, yet?
Dickie: You answer for me Karl...
Rove: I... I dont recall...
'bert: Im going to meet Senor Jorge... Were going back to New Orleans. Can I get anything for you?
Dickie: Get a hold of Ollie and Liddy and see if they are still in the game... We may have work for them...
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